I'm usually talkative, and it's never a good thing. When I start talking, I just keep going on and on and on, like water gushing over a waterfall during a wet spell. I'm actually surprised I still have friends after all my oral muscles boring their brains out.
Must be why I don't have a lot of friends. At least, I think this is one of the many reasons why.
I'm not perfect. I'm difficult, I'm incredibly sarcastic and my mind wanders...and I'm too serious sometimes. I also half-expect a boyfriend to cheat at some point. Major trust issues, check. My closest friends are guys. Trouble, check. Why so serious? Inner-demon, Joker. Check.
Well obviously I'm not going to list out all of my flaw haha. I'm sure it'll be a long list nevertheless.
So I babbled, and it let to a fight, I cried, we talked, we made up again, and the world is full of rainbows and unicorns again.
Dried tears are cakey. Soaked pillow is discarded onto the floor and air-conditioning is off as self-punishment. And I can't sleep.
Dad is outside watching TV and I haven't talked to him since yesterday lunchtime, since he cursed me to a painful retirement because of an incredibly unfair assumption. I didn't bother correcting him, but it still hurts.
Assumptions. Such innocent thoughts but so damaging.
I haven't been actively updating myself with K-Pop lately. It doesn't feel like a lose although I have a feeling it ought to be. =/
So what have I been up to?
I've been reading a lot. My lil bro has these books and I've been going thru them wtf. I don't care if I'm too old for Enid Blyton, I just want to read something.
So among the pile are books by Mr Midnight and this Damien Sin who are apparently Singaporeans. Who, by the genres, are like trying to steal cash in on the infamous True SG Ghost Stories wtf. Well, these books are pretty meh and I'm questioning my sanity for even picking the books up =.=
My lil sister has more decent books. Maybe I should raid her bookshelves instead. Or re-read all my books.
I should get the complete Harry Potter lot one of these days.
Mom caught a rat in her award-winning rat trap. It's now probably dead from IR and Vitamin D overdose. It was so cute! I wish I could rescue it but mom thinks it should sunbathe for nibbling at her cactuses.
We have a toad visiting us as well. At present it's stuck in a bucketful of water with no intention to come up.
A lot of crap has been going on in my life right now.
I don't know where my patience has gone. It's as if the moment I landed, it has slowly began ebbing away. I'm just...tired. This long holiday stretching out in front of me, well, it doesn't make it any better.
I'm sure a lot of my friends are enjoying their holiday, and I probably shouldn't pop their happy bubble. So I didn't.
I feel so miserable hanging around the house all day. I want to go out and have a life, I guess. I don't know.
Maybe it's because I've been hanging out with misers so much and having nothing except the end of the holiday to look forward to. I'm not even looking forward to my birthday anymore. What's the point? It's not gonna be celebrated anyway.
Sure, UK doesn't hold answers to everything, and I'm probably running away. I do know one thing tho. At least when I am there, I feel like I have a purpose. I feel I have a goal in life. I feel...I don't know, appreciated there.
I'm tired of talking people out of ending their life every single day.
If this goes on, I might be the one who take my own life first.
I don't want that. I can see the future, but I don't know how I can get to it in my current state.
