This is a picture I found on FaceBook, taken by someone I don't know but what can I say, it is the best picture taken of the night I left Brunei. My dearest daddy was standing behind me! Note I still had short hair then, now it's shoulder-length.
Here is a little something I wrote a while ago, of the day I left Brunei but from my friend's point of view. Experimenting with role-play writing, something I want to do for a long time. Here goes!
You told me long ago, "I will leave here someday". You told me over and over again over the years but I never believe the day will come.
Now you stood there, the departure gate behind you. Is that regret in your body language, is that tears shining in your eyes? Is it sadness I am feeling, because you are leaving me, as you always say you would?
You hold the hand of a fellow friend following the same path as you, and you smiled widely. The other hand you raise it to the air, and you said in the hyper voice unique to you: "People! I'll be back! Wait for me, yo!"
The crowd around me erupted: the friends you accumulate over the years. Several wept. Several put on brave faces, determined not to cry. I cupped my hands around my mouth and screamed, "Remember what you just said!"
You grinned one last time at us, and led your weeping partner-in-crime through the door. From behind the translucent door we watched the silhouette that is you gradually fade from sight. Your friends stood looking at the departure gate, disbelief on their face. Like me, they never expect you to go.
They slowly left, huddling in groups, comforting each others' loss. But nobody can understand that my loss is greater than theirs, my sorrow beyond describing. Your two best pals came up to me, trying to console me. He pat me on the back, his eyes down on the floor, hiding his emotion; she looked up at me through teary eyes, holding my hand.
Two days later, my mobile phone rang at a very unsocialised hour. Sleepily, I grabbed the phone and without looking at the caller, picked up the call. "Hello?" I said groggily.
"Guess who this is!" A loud hyper voice pierce my ears. Who else could it be? You. A slow smile spread over my face as I sat up in bed, suddenly refreshed.
"What's up?"
Parts of it is imaginative! So where was I in the story? Calmly making my way to UK...yeah, kinda void of tears. In fact, a little too calm...hahaha.
I'm bored so I'm going to post this in a ballad form.
Half past two in the afternoon I was late for my class Going out the door There was a power cut It lasted for three damn hours During which (minor) darkness reign The Godolphin girls complaining They couldn't see the board (must be blind)
Chemistry sir, try to made up big formulas on the board Geography teacher, try to cheer us up presenting us with mock papers
The temperature ain't dropping The windows ain't opened The Godolphin girls were warm enough The (minor) darkness ain't funny 'Twas kinda creepy The Godolphin girls were scared (ooh!)
Oh today, oh today is the Everything-Go-Wrong Day Oh today, oh today is the Everything-Go-Wrong Day
Twenty past eight at night I was content in my room Flipping thru chemistryworld The fire alarm went off It was the real deal Someone's damn hair dryer Spare us poor Godolphin girls Shivering out in the cold
House mistress, try to made up Rushed to the scene sharpish Mr Kale*, try to be useful Ordered us out the cold IMMEDIATELY
Outside it was darkish Body heat was escaping The Godolphin girls suffered I ain't finish with chemistryworld I won't pardon the flame! It was just a hair dryer
Oh today, oh today is the Everything-Go-Wrong Day Oh today, oh today is the Everything-Go-Wrong Day
* Name has been changed to prevent Blogger.com from being filtered.
I found this video on YouTube...love it so much! Thank you, kitsymeow, whoever you are! Why Don't You Kiss Her is one of Jesse McCartney's earlier songs and is a song I was crazy about. (And still is crazy about!) The video footage is taken from a Japanese Movie called タイヨウのうた (Taiyou no Uta, also A Song To The Sun), in which YUI starred as the main female lead character. The movie also feature three of YUI's songs, Good-Bye Days, Skyline and It's Happy Line, all of which is compiled in her single Good-Bye Days. So now enough with the babble, onto the video!
1. What's you name? = Jolene W 2. Nicknames = Ping 3. Relationship status = happily single 4. Zodiac sign = Virgo 5. Male or female or transgendered? = female 6. Elementary = SM Chung Hwa, BSB 7. Middle School = SM Berakas 8. High School = SM Berakas 9. College = PTE Berakas, The Godolphin School 10. Hair colour = dark brunette 11. Long or short? = mid-length 12. Height = no idea, shorter than average 13. Do you have a crush on someone? = heck, no 14. What do you like about yourself? = good company 15. Piercing = ears 16. Tattoos = nil, nada 17. Righty or lefty? = lefty
* FIRSTS
1. First surgery = nada 2. First piercing = 14 years old 3. First best friend = Desmond Tan 4. First sport you joined = skipping 5. First pet = tortoise 6. First vacation = Miri 7. First concert = nada 8. First crush = Dexter Goh
* RIGHT NOW
1. Eating = biscuits 2. Drinking = water 3. I'm about to = study 4. Listening to = Brian Adams - I Do It For You 5. Waiting for = time to pass
* YOUR FUTURE
1. Want kids? = no 2. Want to get married? = no 3. Careers in mind = Geologist/part-time writer
* WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX
1. Lips or eyes? = eyes 2. Shorter or taller? = taller 3. Older or younger? = older 4. Romantic or spontaneous? = both 5. Nice stomach or nice arms? = both? 6. Sensitive or loud? = something in between 7. Hook-up or relationship? = relationship 8. Trouble maker or hesitant? = hesitant
* HAVE YOU EVER
1. Kissed a stranger? = no 2. Drank hard liquor? = no 3. Lost glasses or contacts? = no 4. Broken someone's heart? = yes 5. Had your own heart broken? = once 6. Turned someone down? = yes 7. Cried when someone died? = no 8. Liked a friend that is a girl? = yes, but I'm straight
* DO YOU BELIEVE
1. Yourself? = forced to in most circumstances 2. Miracles? = slightly 3. Heaven? = no 4. Santa Claus? = no 5. Kiss on the first date? = yes 6. Angels? = no
* ANSWER TRUTHFULLY
1. Is there one person you want to be right now? = yes 2. Had more than one boyfriend at one time? = yes, I feel guilty of course 3. Answered these questions truthfully = yes
There is this frustration in me. What had I spent the whole freaking half term on?!
Answer: Work shadowing at the Natural History Museum. I know. Yeah~ thanks, but it was damn boring. Yes. BORING!!!
I am disappointed, really. Maybe because I had been expecting something more...interesting. But anyways, the fact that I didn't manage to go anywhere (aside from watching several films) really frustrated me. A lot. I didn't even venture as far as Oxford Street. Well, Heathrow is another matter. Don't dwell into it. That place bring back memories I don't want remembered.
So for this upcoming exeat, I'm gonna go up to London, and do all the things that I didn't manage to do during half term. Squeeze a week into a weekend. Gah. Crazy not yet.
On Valentine's Day I stumbled into bed at 2am, the song Happy BeakUp playing annoyingly in my head. Yes. Indeed, a very happy compromise. 'We never know each other.' Fine with me, since I'll probably scream bloody murder if he approach me again anyways.
A song I am addicted to now:
Too Lost In You Sugarbabes Love Actually OST
You look into my eyes I go out of my mind I can't see anything Cos this love's got me blind I can't help myself I can't break the spell I can't even try I'm in over my head You got under my skin I got no strength at all In the state that I'm in
And my knees are weak And my mouth can't speak Fell too far this time
Baby, I'm too lost in you Caught in you lost in everything about you So deep, I can't sleep I can't think I just think about the things that you do (you do) I'm too lost in you (Too lost in you)
Ooh Well you whispered to me And I shiver inside You undo me and move me In ways undefined And you're all I see And you're all I need Help me baby (help me baby) Help me baby (help me now)
Cos I'm slipping away Like the sand to the tide Falling into your arms Falling into your eyes If you get too near I might disappear I might lose my mind
Baby, I'm too lost in you Caught in you Lost in everything about you So deep, I can't sleep I can't think I just think about the things that you do (you do) I'm too lost in you (Too lost in you)
I'm going in crazy in love for you baby (I can't eat and I can't sleep) I'm going down like a stone in the sea Yeah, no one can rescue me (No one can rescue me)
Oooh, my baby Oooh, baby, baby
Baby, I'm too lost in you Caught in you Lost in everything about you So deep, I can't sleep I can't think I just think about the things that you do (you do) I'm too lost in you
I'm lost in you I'm lost in you I'm lost in everything about you So deep (so deep), I can't sleep I can't think I just think about the things that you do (you do) I'm too lost in you (Too lost in you)
Took me long enough, but yeah, I have just realised it. I have to stop lying to myself, really. The end is now. I feel it, but what frustrated me is why I can't let go.
I have hold in my anger for too long. Too angry. At him, but mostly at myself. Knowing perfectly well what is happening but choose to ignore it, to pretend it is not happening. I am a fool.
Coming to this realisation, I am just another prisoner waiting for the dreaded death sentence. Waiting for the day he will properly tell me it is the end. I will not scream, will not want vengeance, because it is clear from the very beginning this is how the ending is going to be like.
No other song can describe my feelings more now...
Take A Bow Leona Lewis
Ohhh, oooo...
The flowers are all faded now Along with your letters They will never see the light of day Cause I'll never take them out There's no turning back It's for the better Baby I deserve more than empty words And promises I believed everything you said And I give you the best I had Oh
So take a bow Cause you've taken everything else You played the part Like a star you played it so well Take a bow Cause this scene is coming to an end I gave you love All you give me was pretend So now take a bow...
The future's about to change Before you know it The curtain closes Take a look around There's no one in the crowd I'm throwing away the pain And you should know that your performance Made me strong enough
So take a bow Cause you've taken everything else You played the part Like a star you played it so well Take a bow Cause this scene is coming to an end I gave you love All you give me was pretend So now take a bow...
Well it must have been slight of hand Cause I still can't understand How I could never see Just what a fool believed Mmmm
But the lies they start to show Tell me how does it feels to know Right now that I wont be around So baby before where ever you are
Take a bow Cause you've takin everything else (you've takin everything else) You played the part like a star you played it so well (so well) Take a bow Cause this scene is coming to an end (End) I gave you love All you gave me was pretend So now take a bow
Take a bow Cause you've taken everything else You played the part (I gave you all my love) like I star you played it so well (I gave you all my love) Take a bow Cause this scene is coming to an end I gave you love (Ohhhh) All you give me was pretend So now take a bow
Today. I (forced) threw myself into joining a party of people enjoying Valentine's Day. I hate February the 14th soooo freaking much. Why can't the world let me hate it in peace?
Brunei Hall. The paired up ones scattered everywhere, trying to cover up the couple-ness with a few other couples.
The London Underground. A mad man with a tiny woman played music on guitars and violin, singing love songs to nobody in particular (and demanding money, or 'donations' afterwards). Not forgetting the couples, urrgghh.
FaceBook. WTF is all the sickly 'Free Love' virtual Valentine gifts anyway? Trying to make me feel worse cos I'm not very popular (and thus receive no 'Free Love' virtual Valentine gifts?).
Heck. I hate today. Very, very much.
So I woke up early. And tried to research for my seminar society talk. And went to Camden Town with Ili. And see Arif off at Heathrow with Ain. Distracting myself.
Hell, he's sooo gonna die, yes, HIM!!
I think I'm in a too unstable state to blog now. Do understand that a person feel most insecure on this stupid day.
I think I rather prefer Friday the 13th.
OK, I can't deny that nothing good happened today. The look-see at Camden Town was enjoyable enough, we wandered around the market for more than the intended half an hour. Plus, Ren Fah just joined me for a chat. Very nice guy, and easily upset (too sensitive, lor).
Bug. I was stuck in bed all day, a bin by my bedside in case I puke. Outside my dorm room, the day girls ran up and down the corridor. Boom boom boom. Damn noise pollution. My sarcasm hadn't worked, so after lying in bed and being tormented by the day girls' stupid footsteps for three hours, I got up, wrapped the duvet around me and went to the day girls' study down the corridor from my room. I must had looked very sick because, after my sarcastic complaint, they promised to tip-toe when walking along the corridor. My problem, or at least part of it, is solved.
One never would expect to get bugs in UK, especially in a prestigious boarding school, no? But here I am, lying in bed, feeling very sorry for myself. I had puked three times last night and the sick taste still lingered in my mouth, refusing to go away. Sister Gill had given me a sachet of powdery white stuff to put in my drink, telling me it will help replace the fluids I had puked. It tasted like vomit, well, everything tasted like vomit for the moment anyway. I get the day off from school and I desperately need to pack for Half Term, but my body feel weak, I type this post with difficulty.
When asked why the others are healthy and well save me and Yisan, who is suffering as well, I have no answer. Yisan's theory is the salmon that we ate in the scrambled eggs yesterday morning had gone bad...but why are the others all right? So it remains a mystery, the source of our dearest bug. Damn. One can actually sue Chartwells for this, but heck, at least I get a day off.
It's not raining today, yay! Sun's out! It is chilly out, but inside the building, preferably a room with windows that let the sunlight in, one can really feel the heat. I like the heat, makes me think of Brunei. Anyone knowing me well enough will know when I am not The Hermit, I am The Crazy Girl who love standing under the sun. So today I'm happy!
Am listening to my long forgotten Chinese songs collection and came across this song by Jolin Tsai. I used to be totally crazy about her, but it was a passing phase. Now YUI is my new idol!
This song is good, I've included the translation for my Malay friends.
Listening to my heart beating, jumping irregularily I am quietly pondering, not wanting to be disturbed by anyone
We had tightly embraced, yet let go easily That kind of feeling is very subtle, what is the right thing to say?
Time is divided diagonally, halting your treating me well Disintegrate our dependence on each other
After you left, I'm like a kite in the sky searching for a dream After a bout of rain, does the sky appear to be clearing up? I calmly gaze at the sky, trying to seek a feeling of loss I can only use a smile to await the rainbow that follows the sky's clearing
RULES: Tag 25 people to do the same thing. Meh, I won't bother.
1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Don't think so, but I like to think it's after my father.
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? Erm, I think two weeks ago. From stress.
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? I guess my handwriting's ok.
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Bacon. But too much can kill me.
5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? Over my dead body.
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Yeah, most probably. People just become friends with me without realising it. I think.
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM? A lot. But I drastically reduce my usage when I came here because, people just don't get me.
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yeah, why, are we not supposed to have them?
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? I would, if given the chance.
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Koko Crunch.
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? No. Heck.
12. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Chocolate Vanilla.
13. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? Emm, their personality? I sort of can feel what kind of person you are, just by your face alone...
14. RED OR PINK? Neither. I dislike both colours. No, I HATE pink.
15. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? My lust.
16. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? My family & friends.
17. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO COMPLETE THIS LIST? No. And people, don't bother. Waste of time. Makes me wonder why I am doing it.
18. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Black jeans and blue-white Converse.
19. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW: YUI - My Generation
20. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Gray.
21. FAVORITE SMELL? Grass after rain.
22. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? My dearest daddy.
23. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO POSTED THIS NOTE? I do not know the person who tagged me.
24. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? Football, badminton and American football.
25. HAIR COLOR? 95% black, 5% brown
26. EYE COLOR? Dark chocolate brown.
27. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? No. Nothing wrong with my vision.
28. FAVORITE FOOD? *glaring at someone* SOTONG!!
29. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Depends.
30. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Yes Man.
31. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? Green & white stripes.
32. SUMMER OR WINTER? Both. I prefer Autumn though.
33. HUGS OR KISSES? Both.
34. FAVORITE DESSERT? Ice-cream. Whatever.
35. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? The bored.
36. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? The lazy.
37. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? The God Delusion.
38. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? Laptop, no mouse pad.
39. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? Nothing. I don't watch TV.
40. FAVORITE SOUND(S)? Solo piano.
41. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Both on a certain level.
43. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? Manipualting people. Or so my daddy says.
44. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Brunei.
45. DO YOU HAVE ANY TATTOOS? Do scars count?
46. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK? Hopefully anyone who saw this post and think they like being tagged.
47. HOW DID YOU MEET YOUR SPOUSE/SIGNIFIGANT OTHER? At Brunei Hall.
